When I stop giggling over stuff I'm sure I won't be able to repress a few minutes from now, I admit there's a certain kind of logic to it. Celebrate the nation's birthday in your birthday suit. Declare your personal -- really personal -- independence (from your underwear and your dignity) on Independence Day. Wait, I said I was going to repress for a few moments at least, didn't I . . . ?
Eh, bummer.
Seriously, why would you pair nudity and incendiaries?
Repress, repress, repress . . .(But there was so much pain in the visuals.)
Okay, I can understand the hype about being comfortable in your own skin. Really. I've been in that dressing room trying on jeans or bathing suits and really wishing I didn't care about the number next to the word "size."However.
I don't believe that baring it all, all day every day, is the way to feel more comfortable in your own skin. I'm thinking it's the way to flay the skin, which does not strike me as comfortable for me or my skin. For example, I believe it was suggested that people go for a bike ride as part of their celebrations -- you know, while complying with the week's dress code. Um. You know, there have been times when I felt violated sitting on that bicycle seat -- and I was fully clothed. And, no, I'm not going any further with that thought or this discussion.Okay, yes, I am. Here you go.
Ten things not to do during National Nude Recreation Week:
1. Sit on my couch. Go ahead and call me a prude. I'm okay with that.2. Grill hot dogs over open flames. (I am not taking that one. I don't have to. You already got it.) Or marshmallows, really. That stuff is hot and sticky, so it clings as it burns.
3. Bungee jumping. Add gravity-induced distortion to the bared parts? I think not. Plus that harness . . . ouch.
4. Use the metal slide on the playground. Remember how hot that thing gets in the summer? And good luck escaping the effects of friction.
5. Horseback riding. Think saddle sores -- and the horse would be mortified.
6. Motorcycling across America. Aside from the cycler's own physical discomfort -- there's a reason they usually wear leather and helmets -- think of the harm imposed on the rest of the population. Multitudes will go blind.
7. Teach a class of preschoolers. If parents failed to annihilate the teacher, the kids' inevitable questions and candid observations would. Nothing humbles quite as effectively as a well-meaning yet blunt child.
8. Chop firewood, whittle sticks, trim the hedges or prune the rosebushes.
9. Try to make friends with the neighbor's growling and salivating "pet" beast as it strains against its choke-collar leash.
10. Bathe the cat.
